Her love rose and spilled
across her cheeks,
witnessing the young seeker
in the mirror of her journey,
her elder wisdom opening
with tears for her caring spirit.
Knowing she must be alone after all,
she and the earth in the long dark silence,
the light of her inner lamp flickering,
fragile, determined to continue.
Thank you Don. Captures some beautiful essences indeed.
as always, you touch the silent space of my heart…thanks Don.
Wonderful Don, right next to a Ray Charles Christmas.
Fragile and determined to continue – with you, Brother. The inner light can flicker in the face of all the grief and pain stored in the earth, but fragile as we are we are determined to continue.
A beautiful vision of Truth in all you convey… thank you for your knowing.
Such a lot said in a few lines – I recognize the multi-layered moment, and my heart goes out…
As the nights grow longer, before they again grow shorter, my inner light grows into a blazing fire, passionate living arising in loving kindness and compassion. First, for the Central Flame. Second, for my Earth Mother, whose womb I cleanse daily in mind and heart. My beloved lies beside me through the nights, in agreement with her own passion and, yet held safely in mine.
Thank you, for Source. Thank you Don, for your gifts that stoke the Flame. Thank you, friends and loved ones who gather at this same Fire.
I love all the mysterious pieces you have going on here. The problem is a grammatical error called “shift in person.” See #2 on this site: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/595/1/
You start in third person simple past tense, then you switch to second person, which, for those with a trained ear, is a jarring error, and for everyone else, just plain mystifying. I like atmospheric mystery in a poem but it should be a result of the poet’s control over language elements. There are a couple of fixes: Start over and write the entire thing in second person. Or…start over and write the entire thing in FIRST and third, which strikes me as the more intriguing–but both could work.
I am also not enthusiastic about the lack of guiding punctuation, which I believe is a grace the poet must first earn by virtue of strict control over clausal elements.
Don, I am just finishing grading finals and starting to gear up for my Poetry Writing class next term, so my knife might be o’er sharpened! (An apologia offered there if one is needed) As always (and I know you do), take what works and leave the rest.
Hi Sandy, Good comments, as always. I had to work this through for a bit. I liked the way the poem turned back on the reader with the word “you” but after a bit I settled on “she” with a few commas here and there. It’s gentler on the ear and I think the meaning is held. Best..